Introduction – This is my first draft of this story. I had a couple drafts before this, but I scrapped both those ideas. One of the inspirations for this story was detasseling. I am planning on adding more suspense and dialogue to make it more interesting. I intend to work on “showing” and not “telling.” I also think that using foreshadowing might add to this piece. I hope that by the end of this revision process, parts of my story will be more sinister and it will be more intriguing to read.

 

Gloria Ovwigho

Suspense Rough Draft

English 2, Block 8

 

The car sputtered, and with one final sickening lurch, stopped in the middle of the road. Are you kidding me? Eric thought, as he hopped out. He did a quick visual check on the car, but nothing atypical caught his eye. Flipping through the vehicle manual was no aid. Unlike some other men, the gears and gadgets had no place in Eric’s brain. Although it was sunset, the sun’s rays beat down on him nonetheless. He fidgeted with some of the car parts for a long time, but to no avail.

He checked his phone, and there was no service. There wasn’t anyone for miles. It was utterly barren. A mild sense of panic began to set in. The heat and trepidation further burdened Eric’s addled brain. (Insert about why his brain was addled) He meandered on the deserted road, trying to think. He decided to start walking in the hopes of finding someone. He continuously planted his feet one in front of the other on the compact, searing pavement. Momentarily, Eric thought he was the last person on earth. He suspected the sun would disappear soon, and sweating profusely, turned back and headed to his car, where his supplies were. It is not good to be alone on the road at night. He sipped water as the last of the sun’s rays peeked out of the sky, then nearly vanished.

Briefly, he went through the manual again. Before he knew it, a blanket of darkness encompassed his vision as dusk commenced. This gave the atmosphere a more ominous feel, but Eric was at least thankful for the break from the sun.

Suddenly an alarming scream pierced the air. Eric ceased all movement, like a Pointer dog that senses something, and focused on his surroundings. He didn’t hear any other sounds. From the shriek he heard, he couldn’t deduce whether it originated from a human or animal, male or female, but he could most certainly tell it was full of consternation. He was filled with worry about the screamer. Recalling his recent psych class, he had learned about bystander apathy. Eric didn’t want to be “that guy.” (Insert something about him deducing where scream came from) And anyway, this was good practice for when he works in medicine. Besides, the screamer might be able to help him out of his situation as well. Hesitating again, Eric went into the cornfield.

The glow of the moon was barely visible in between the towering stalks. He crept through the rows, bringing his arms up every so often to rub at where the corn plants scratched him. The hair on his neck rose. Suddenly, he felt something jab him in the neck. Whisking around as fast as lightning, Eric yelped. After a brief moment of observation, he chuckled to himself, realizing the perpetrator was just a corn leaf poking him in the neck. I swear, this is just like a horror movie.

Eric thought he was going crazy. The songs of nature alleviated the apprehension from this situation, though – the whoosh of the gentle breeze, the occasional bird call, and nocturnal animals rustling in the leaves with crickets chirping along. (Insert how he used meditation on nature to try to keep from going crazy)

This relaxation didn’t last for long, however. Something about the air had changed, and he could sense something else was there, putting him on edge. Every rustle that sounded produced a startled jump from Eric.

Eric was about to turn back and return to his truck when he heard a distinct sound, almost like that of someone clearing their throat. He stopped in his tracks, then whipped around quickly, and saw the silhouette of a man. A sharp, instinctive gasp escaped him.

“Were you the person that screamed?” The raspy voice croaked out.

“No. Did you?” His heart was pounding in his chest.

“Obviously not or I wouldn’t have asked you that question.”

This man seemed pretty derisive, but Eric needed help immediately. Eric told him about his situation, and asked if he could give directions or help with his car.

The man paused for a moment, thinking. Then barely audibly uttered, “Follow me. My truck is near here. I have car supplies (Change this) that could help you.”

He thought this whole ordeal was sinister. He didn’t know anything about this man and yet he was following him like a obedient puppy. He could hardly see the man, although the twilight moon gleamed brightly. Then again, Eric didn’t have a choice. The stressful events of this whole day were so unexpected. Lucky me, Eric thought.

The man continued leading Eric to his truck. Or at least, that’s what Eric thought.